My APRN prescribed a new medication to help me sleep. I started taking it this past Saturday, and the results have been… interesting.

First, it’s normally prescribed for anxiety, but is also a muscle relaxer. The first night taking it, I did recognize when the muscle relaxer kicked it, and when I inevitably woke up in the middle of the night, I paid attention to whether my mind continued to race as usual, keeping me awake. I found it interesting that it was almost difficult to keep a coherent thought during my waking period. In fact, I did fall asleep faster because of this. So I thought that maybe this would help in the long run to getting me better sleep and more energy during the day.

Second, since I started taking my SSRIs, some of my dreams have been more vivid than previously experienced. As far as I knew (and was told), neither of these medications were known for causing vivid dreams. I just thought something was igniting my unconscious. I’ve had crazy vivid dreams before. No big deal.

Third, this week, for three nights in a row, I’ve had not only vivid dreams, but long-lasting, and unfortunately terrifying nightmares. The scenes are detailed, the people in them familiar, and the supposed backstories for each situation seem to be ingrained into my memory as if these were real moments from my actual life.

For example, last night’s nightmare started with my sister and parents moving from a corner house in an urban area (possibly in London for some reason?) to a different house just up the same street. The house was HUGE, old-fashioned, decadent. Vaulted ceilings, sweeping grand staircases with highly polished wooden bannisters, large open rooms with giant windows that let in a ton of light, but it’s clear it’s been a while since the place was lived in.

It felt like the most natural thing, the four of us together again, making this place a home, working together. (I say this because, if you’ve read my previous posts, you’re aware that both of my parents are dead, so this dream scenario is not possible in reality.)

It wasn’t long before this dream turned sour. I didn’t realize I had a fear of snakes until this nightmare. Maybe I didn’t and this is brand new. But suddenly there were snakes of all kinds almost EVERYWHERE. Within the dream, I was screaming near constantly, and unlike prior nightmares where the scream dies in my throat before the sound can even be made, I pushed through and forced out my terror audibly. I could feel the scream tearing at my vocal chords.

When I woke up, I was covered in sweat. This was the third night in a row of waking up this way, and I was definitely shaken from this. I’ve since Googled this with the name of my medication and discovered that I’m not the only one. A few sites state that this has only been reported in people suffering from PTSD. As far as I know, I haven’t been diagnosed with that. But a reddit thread has hundreds of comments from people that have experienced this.

So, yeah, I’m not taking that pill anymore. Maybe I’m just not meant to get a full, uninterrupted 8 hours of sleep every night.

We’ll see what happens in my next appointment.

-K